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The most intense movement I experienced in the last course was to learn that intentions precede desires, and that when the two of them come into alignment with the Creator’s, then we can govern the painter’s hand as he paints our canvas.
More importantly, I understand that a change within me will change how I see reality and the world, but the thought that I can bring the entire world together into peace is something I really want to live to witness. It says in Psalm 27, “I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.” Is this what David meant?
What most inspired me is most is learning that aligning my intentions with the Creator’s, or the painter of the picture, allows me to govern how He will paint my canvas.
the truth I have learned about myself is that it is very difficult to keep one’s intentions always altruistic enough to feel align with the Creator.
What I wish for my fellow students is that our soul grow fast enough and strong enough to pull the entire world to attainment, before the human race has to go all of the way to the bottom, before they look up.
I have spent years rising very early with a specific routine of feeding my cat, lighting, my stove, making coffee, and sitting down to read, psalms, Bible readings, prayers, and some specific cabala material, and then sitting down to journal for 30 to 45 minutes before anyone gets up, in an effort to find an encounter with the Father. Sometimes, I write pages of thoughtful prayers and requests and observations. Sometimes, I ask God if he’s even there or if he cares. Lately more and more, I’ve wondered if I’m boring God, since I haven’t been inspired to find any other psalms or prayers and the ones that I’ve been using for a long time. I even tried adding some guitar songs, to no avail. Is my sense of pointlessness a sign that I may actually be moving forward? I put this question to a parish priest, and he told me that mother Theresa once went for 10 years without hearing anything from the Lord.
I’m sure this sounds egoistic, but I assure you it is altruistic. I’ve begun a real estate company with my sons, and I fully believe the Lord, that is the creator, bestows wealth upon individuals, in order that they may use that wealth to improve the well-being and lives of others. I fully intend to fund organizations that will accomplish things. I’ve often dreamed of doing for decades, would’ve been unable to do because I am not a wealthy man. These are things like improving the agricultural techniques in poor nations, establishing micro banking, and improving marketing techniques for small business people and establishing co-ops. However, my question is this: when my wife prays, and she very often gets what she prays for, she establishes a timeline for it. Is it egoistic for me to set a timeline like a quarter or a year, or such for success in our business, before I am able to have enough money or funds, in order to help the others accomplished the things I would like to do?
I once was touched by peace so great I wanted to fall and worship. It wasn’t even in me, but in the ones who came to me. Just the memory of the peace has carried me through three and a half decades of sometimes great pain. Religion might bring me to an “aha” moment, but I don’t think it will bring me to that peace. I know that if I had it within me, I could take it to the hardest of hearts and break them open to receive. Kabbalah seems to offer a very methodical approach to find that peace, again.
