We don’t find ourselves in the spiritual world but in the corporeal world. We see the branches of what’s in the spiritual world. The roots are of a different quality for which you have no examples in your life experiences and not even in your wildest imaginations.
In us, the desire precedes the thought. I want, so my brain activates to identify the desire and realize it. In the Creator, the thought came first, to create the desire, the desire shatters, and in that shattering the desire is called egoistic since it has an intention to receive only for itself now.
No one in my immediate surroundings has ever learned I study Kabbalah. With the internet it’s not necessary. However, you should wait and learn to do it properly. For now, best is to work on your own advancement.