Internally, I place the others above me and myself below the others. This small act of bestowal is all I can do to begin using my egoistic nature in adhesion with the creator. The others benefit from my internal change.
The light that reforms is always there, we just need to adjust our perception in order to notice it. To strengthen the influence of the reforming light, Kabbalists say to read source material, have a teacher and a study group. I have very little personal experience with this.
I don’t know, but I intend to find out. It seems to me that I must first come to feel what bestowal really means. In this world, it is difficult to perceive the creator as the good that does good, which is what bestowal is all about. Perhaps my first shift in perception is to see that the things that have happened and are currently happening, especially those I label as “bad” are actually a necessary part of correction. This all helps me to see how NOT like the creator I really am. My reactions to people and events around me are wholly egoistic, as hard as this may be to admit. I don’t have any idea what bestowal really is, but I know what it isn’t.
I’m struggling to remember all of the terms in Kabbalah (for example: Adam Kadmon, Atzilut, Beria, Yetzira, Assiya, or the 10 Sefirot). How important is it important that I begin to memorize these terms?
I want the light to help me choose the Creator’s singular desire instead of my own egoistic desires. My goal this semester is to fully engage with the material so that I can learn from those who have taken this path ahead of me.