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There is all this teaching about knowing Kabbalah works because of the past people who experienced it. Can the teachers in this program talk to their experience with it? I am definitely feeling that resistance in prayer and I keep wondering if I am doing something wrong. Is my ego too big, is my life too unstable, or maybe everyone just passes the buck onto some soul that keeps reincarnating and that is the only person who will ever achieve the state of Bestowal while the rest of us go on chasing something unattainable.
As for being in a group with other individual that also have the point in the heart, each person is supported in their journey of becoming more like the creator instead of being dragged down by others who are not seeking to bestow but to continue on the self serving path. When one person is enlightened, it paves the way for others to also become enlightened. Unfortunately, I don’t know anyone with my same interests and there are no groups near me that offer the same teachings. I can only hope that being part of this group helps.
I believe that helping others can come in many forms, but the biggest part has to do with “loving your neighbor as yourself”. To help with only the intention to give rather than seeking some reward from it. I am having trouble with some of this. I help my family, I volunteer and I seek out ways to make my partner less burdened or simply for his enjoyment, but in a lot of cases I can see how I might benefit. Does this boost my ego? Am I doing it to get something back? Do I expect things like a thank you? And so I am begging the creator to show me the way, to make me more like him, because it seems that no matter what I do, it all leads back to me. Perhaps my fellow group members can help me out.
