I am seeking a way to know and understand the Creator. There was a period in my life that for a brief moment I knew everything was in the Creator’s hands and things would workout the way they should and I felt such peace. I am looking to achieve that and go beyond it. To fill the emptiness I feel in side after years of denying any Creator. I am at a point where I do not want more of the physical life but want everything that is non-physical. This is what I am seeking.
I think for me the understanding of free will/choice. The explanation of how little of it we do have but how important the major place where we do have it, choosing to seek Lishma and go against our nature to receive and reason to seek Lishma through faith, but in the traditional form of faith.
Even as a child I felt that what i perceived was not what others perceived. Simply my eyes were different from someone else, so even if I said something was red, in their view it might be blue but since we were all taught that an apple was red, we call whatever color we see an apple as red. It became even more apparent as an adult when I would sit in a meeting and something would be said and later you would find out that people sitting in the same meeting heard something different