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I thank you for your responses and patience! The scales of illusion are thick on my perception creating difficulty to receive this material clearly but your responses are bringing some light to the darkness helping to increase my ability to perceive (true) spirituality.
Still sitting with this egoistic condition that needs correction I am finding I am powerless to correct. Is this the space of hopelessness in ego self that motivates a deep prayerful cry to the Creator for help? I am there now with tears streaming but doubt of my worth remains. Will there be an end to this pain?
In week 2 of this study program a lot of energy arose within that led to a lot of questioning and doubting the material. I have spent the past 3 weeks in introspection and identified I was taking in the material from a distorted perception. This placed everything out of context. Inside I found several egoistic hubs with nodes that created an interconnected web of shared purpose (create safety for the ego). Being raised in conservative Christian environment a main theme taken to heart was God loves us unconditionally, when I did wrong God hates me and will send me to everlasting torment, any corrective beatings were to perfect me so God could love me. So now I have egoistic hubs of I am damaged, I am unlovable, I am unworthy, etc. that then stems out to nodes of challenge authority (this one gets me in a lot of conflict!), despair, avoidance, disconnection, etc. So now my question, are these hubs and nodes considered as some of the 613 egoistic desires needing correction? I can clearly see how these desires are all about focus on the ego but not yet able to perceive how they can be transformed into an altruistic force.
Get in touch with the upper force by crying out to the Creator from that internal deep desire and longing for the Creator. Act mutually with the upper force by participating with others studying and practicing the wisdom of Kabbalah.
I wish the path of light for connection with others and adhesion with creator be taken by all to free us of the path of pain, suffering, and separation. I wish spiritual evolution for all.
