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Seth, I watched There Is None Else Besides Him Part 1 again carefully. In my own words this is what I would say to myself after asking G-d for forgiveness in terms of stating that I made my own bad decisions: “How arrogant of me to think/believe that I had the authority to make my own faulty decisions;” that was a sin. There are so many things that I am discovering, learning, and experiencing.
I want to give you an example of my understanding of receiving and bestowal. My Papa was my sage, full of wisdom and faith and I loved him immensely. My Mama was the example of courage and faith and I followed her example. My children and I had to flee my country because a leader of a mafia had already given the order to execute my children and me. We escaped and that is why I entered the USA. After my mother and little brother died, my Papa did not want to return to Mexico City. I suffered from many PTSDs after the car accident, mostly being in the dark since the car accident happened at 8:30 pm. I could not sleep with the lights turned off and was still afraid. I would ask G-d to touch my head and give me intelligence, wisdom, and serenity. Then I would stretch out my hand with my eyes closed and ask my Mama to put her hand on my heart and give me peace and to accompany me. As soon as I said that out loud, I was asleep.
I was able to support my children completely in Mexico City. My Papa would visit me sometimes and was proud that I had accomplished what I had. After having to come to live in San Antonio, TX, My Papa helped me find an apartment because nobody would allow me to rent because I did not have “credit.” The manager was a friend of my Papa’s and that is how I was able to stay for three months and then move out. When we moved to a better apartment complex, my Papa came to me and told me that he would take me to all the stores to help me buy everything I needed for the apartment. I reminded him that I had looked after myself and my children for 18 years. His reaction was sad and he left. The next day after he left, I realized that he just wanted to help (bestow), but I did not want his help (not want to receive). I felt so terribly bad. I called him and told him that I did need his help. He came immediately and took me to all the stores to furnish the apartment and kitchen tools. He was so happy and so was I. I would never imply that my Papa was like the Creator. I am explaining my understanding of me as the vessel, rejecting the gift and bestowal that my Papa wanted to give me and me as the receiver rejecting his bestowal. After that experience, my Papa and I were one like we used to be and I learned to be humble towards him and his wisdom and love for us was incredible and solid up until he passed away.
Therefore, does this real life experience explain The Creator’s want to give us, the creatures, His light and bestowal and us, as creatures reject what the Creator wants for us?
I just finished watching Part 2 video. I have commented earlier that I have made bad decisions that I had considered them to be from my own free will, consciously knowing that they were my bad decisions. I cannot think of a time in my life that I doubted the existence of G-d. I do remember when there were times in which I was on the edge of the cliff where the only way was going down. At those times, I followed my Papa’s advice, “put your life in G-d’s hands.” I did; whatever it was going to be, it was going to be G-d’s will. However, as I am learning Kabbalah, I have to ask a question. Stating that I made some bad decisions which caused me suffering and that I knowingly still made bad decisions for which I would ask G-d to forgive me. Were those bad decisions part of the Creator’s plan for me? Are they considered “sins?”
I have talked to G-d for a very long time in my life. I talk to Him about everything in my life. I have asked Him to grant me wisdom and intelligence in my mind. I would also ask Him to grant my heart peace and to accompany me. I would ask for a bracha, blessing, for anyone ill in my extended family and my children if they were ill. I have had pets since I was six years old, poodles, toy, miniature, standard because they are hypoallergenic. I am very allergic to a lot of things such as pets and in the air. I have a miniature poodle, two years old that was gifted to me one month after my YorkiePoo of 16 years old had to be put to sleep, 2023. Hence, I also thank G-d for my little pet, Athena, because she keeps me company. I am disabled and I receive a small social security check. I am not from this country, USA; hence, I did not have enough work credits to receive a larger social security check as do people who have worked their entire life. My son brought me to live with him and my two grandchildren, 8 and 5 years old from San Antonio, TX to Ashburn, VA. However, he is going through a very difficult time, soon to be divorced and he lost his job two months ago. He has been applying for 70-80 jobs online since then. I ask G-d to please help him find a job when I talk to G-d everyday. I was not taught to talk to G-d. I began doing that naturally. However, I remember that my Papa would always tell me that when I was going through uncertain times, to put my life in G-d’s hands. I have. And I recognize that I have made some very bad decisions in my life that have caused me to suffer. After listening to Part 1 of Tony’s video, I learned about the corporeal and the spiritual. And as Seth explained, making free will decisions does lead to a bumpy road, suffering. I also, when I talk to G-d after my prayer, I thank Him for my life (parents, siblings, children) and as I talk to Him about my life, I smile and tell Him that He knows me. It is correct that G-d cannot be fooled. What I did not expect to know about is Kabbalah; what it teaches one. Then all of a sudden my life is not over, even at 74 years old. I have so much to learn both corporeally and spiritually. Knowing what I knew, in terms of how my life has been, I can now learn and see my life through the wisdom of Kabbalah, which is a completely different way of knowing G-d. Thank you, Seth, for the great explanations and examples you have stated.
There is only one Creator. We, us humans did not create ourselves. We did not create the universes. We did not create nature. Everything around us and within us is from the Creator. I can look at the sky and know that extraterrestrial aliens did not create the sky, our world, etc. We exist because of the Creator. Therefore, that point in our heart which is love, is bestowal from the Creator. Hence, as receivers of that love and pleasure (The Light), we accept His Light as receivers and we bestow our love back without any residue of egoism. It is then when we will be aligned with the Creator.
I was having trouble understanding fully The Screen and the Equivalence of Form. With the example of the Host and the guest, I finally understood how to attain the Primary Tool-The Screen. I finally understood how to exit the program of five senses-egoism in order to enter the program of a sixth sense. The program that exists outside the program of egoism. In exiting the program of egoism, I will be able to enter the sixth sense which will allow me to enter/sense the Upper Worlds, the Spirituality by correcting myself and rise through the upper worlds to achieve Equivalence of Form with the Creator. I makes perfect sense to me now. However, correcting oneself, that is eliminating egoism, is a challenge I want to take. It is an intention to align myself with the Creator; to accept the Light and to bestow to the Creator.
