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Can I come to the environment every day and only want to absorb as much as possible because of its greatness? Is this somehow harmful? Is it lacking an effort to bestow? For example reading the sages I want the text to work on me I want to connect with the heart of the Kabbalist. Can I apply this more broadly?
When I was little I had questions about what happens when we die. I was freaking out, having nightmares and finally asked my mom. She told me to think about where I was before I was born and this appeased me. Around the same time I had a meltdown at the Oyster Festival. Everything was grey and meaningless, I remember saying I didn’t want to go home and I didn’t want to stay there. My mom bought me a turtle thing and it calmed me down.
Along the way I doubted everything, I would have to figure it all out. It wasn’t until I found a teacher (Rav) that I heard a message my heart could accept.Beginning to emerge. What’s mine is yours and what’s yours is yours can exist today. One organism with conscious participation.
Staying focused on the premise “everything you perceive actually depends on your inner structure and measurement”, experimentation and scrutiny. Applying the model of the five senses and this world to new stimulus (light).
I imagine a desire (a heart). Also a mind and somehow a kli, screen and light. New ways of communicating would be cool too.
