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i learned that i can not get rid of my ego and having pleasure is not bad. i want to go beyond information and be able to have adhesion with the Creator and be a true being of bestowal
i think i am in between concealment and revelation. so many things are happening to me and i know that they are just showing me where i have to go and what i need to change in myself. however, like jealousy, i do not know now how i can get past this – so i just ask the Creator to pls correct me so i can be more sharing. is this correct?
and also this is in relation to Freedom – our lesson last week said that we did not choose anything – does this mean that everything now is meant to help me elevate and adhere to the Creator? I am wondering how – because I am a trans man and i totally can not understand for now why I am in this body.
our goal is ultimately adhesion with the Creator. does this mean that adjusting the masach is getting less of the desire for reception of the pleasure for ourselves and making it into bestowal? bestowal to the Creator? how about bestowal to our friends ? i still receive pleasure when i do this as i feel good.
now it seems that i feel i am very far from adhesion with the Creator. it’s like in everything that i do, even those acts that i felt was sharing before, now i realize that i am still receiving pleasure from it by feeling good. will it even be possible for humans to be complete bestowal?
kabbalistic praying is asking for the Creator to change our perception. For example someone you love dies, does this mean that everything is still goodness from above? how can we change our perspective on death? that it is actually rebirth? or its because of cause and effect on the part of the person who died?
