In the lesson Juilan said that at some point a person starts feeling darkness in the ego and most people give up. Can the darkness be filled with temporary egoistic pleasures (like playing videogames for example) and at the same time you continue studying kabbalah (even if you don’t feel pleasure from it) . That’s how I understood it: when ego doesn’t receive it feels darkness, it hurts. You start asking questions: “why am I doing it, what’s in it for me” etc.
Can you balance the darkness by filling the egoistic vessel with temporary pleasures and continue study kabbalah at the same time? (like when you take medicine that heals you but the body hurts and you take pain meds to ease the pain).
It this allowed in kabbalah, or is it something that’s wrong and one shouldn’t be doing.
What does it mean: “when the will to receive grows, the measure of the screen grows with it, which is the aim to please the Creator, rather than yourself”.
My question is: how can one please the Creator? What spiritual action is needed. Do I need to study Kabbalah in a group and work on connection there above my nature and that is “pleasing the Creator”…like the more I engaged in kabbalistic activities the more is “pleasing the Creator part” expands. But right now, what I do is called lo lishma.
Does this mean I have to continue, keep going and do lo lishma to one day come to lishma and start doing everything right?