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No matter what I have no other choice, it comes down to I have exhausted myself searching, but I need to search (hopefully find) that which will fill the deep longing that has haunted me all my 60 years of life. This is my only choice in the moment, to press on with faith. Reading this over I sound lost, and yes, I have been wandering in the desert of illusion with no compass, something needs to change! So here I am with no ability to quit even though I do get ragefully angry at my perceived predicament. I have wanted to quit the search many times in my life but there is something inside that just does not allow me to, I trust this will be my continued motivator.
By continually praying from the heart for a deepening desire of intention for correction of egoistic desires.
Discussing the screen in the blog section of course below brings a question of what does the creator’s lack speak of? The lack of fulfillment of bestowal in my vessel of desire?
A Masach indicates that I am directed towards the Creator and take Him into account, paying no attention to myself at all—I don’t exist! I am directed only towards Him. To make a Tzimtzum (restriction) means that from this moment on, I will not take my desires, thoughts, and inclinations into account, but will use all of this only to bestow to the Creator.
He is the goal. For me, all of His characteristics and desires are my vessel, and I use myself only to fulfill Him. This means that I use all that I have, but evaluate bad and good only relative to Him, within Him.
It’s all about Him. I feel His desires, fulfillments, deficiencies, and problems. After this I consider how I can realize what He lacks.
For myself the purpose of this course is to apply the spiritual screen for correction of desire’s intention.
I have been searching for spiritual meaning and purpose most of my life and with each explored system I have always been left with a lack, a this is not complete. Life experience has brought me here, albeit with a sense of fading hope, that maybe Kabbalah holds the keys to the complete path of spiritual connection.
