The Creator created us with the nature of reception. Resisting the landlord means that we can rise above this nature and operate according to a different nature, that of bestowal. Keep in mind that we cannot rise above our nature with our own strength, but only through the strength of the light.
Just like a PC cannot just reprogram itself to run as a Mac, we too cannot change our own egoistic nature with our own strength. It’s impossible. It’s ultimately the light that makes all the changes on us. Our work is only to extract more and more of it, especially during the Kabbalistic studies, and it does all the rest.
I cannot comment on your personal feelings. But in general, we should keep in mind that perceiving spirituality works according to the law of equivalence of form. To the extent that we correct our egoistic nature in our common work with other points in the heart, to that extent we become similar to the upper force of nature and reveal it in practice.
We’re all part of one system. In this system, there are internal and external parts. The internal parts include the common soul of Adam HaRishon, while the external parts are all the different things that influence this common soul, including the still, vegetative, and animate parts of nature.